What Happens When You Try To Stop Thinking

The people of the earliest church breathed internally, so that their breathing was harmonious with and similar to the breathing of the angels. .... Such respiration varied with all the phases their inner being went through. It changed over time in their descendants, however, up to this final generation, in whom everything angelic died out. When that happened, they forfeited their ability to breathe in unison with the angelic heaven as well. This was the real reason for their extinction, which is why it now says that they passed away and that those with the breath of living spirit in their nostrils died. From this time, inner breathing ceased—and along with it people’s contact with heaven, and therefore the ability to intuit things in a heavenly way—and external breathing took its place. Since contact with heaven ceased in the process, the people of the ancient church (which was the new church) were no longer capable of a heavenly character, as the earliest people had been, but only a spiritual one. - Emanuel Swedenborg, Secrets of Heaven, 805

"Modern human beings say "I am" all the time. "I" is a word we use very frequently, as a matter of course, from morning till night. For these people of ancient times, however, saying "I" or "I am" was not something they took for granted in their ordinary, everyday experience. It was something that they had to acquire through effort. To achieve an inner experience that allowed them to say "I am" with a certain degree of truthfulness - in other words, to become conscious of their own existence such as the breathing exercise I described. The "I am" experience, which we take for gratned, was made possible for the people of ancient India only when they made an inner effort to alter their breathing. To wake themselves up, so to speak, they first had to "kill off" their environment, at least as far as their perception of it was concerned. Doing so allowed them to achieve the conviction that they themselves existed, and they could then say "I am" to themselves. This "I am" gave them something we now take for granted, namely, the inner development of the intellect, the possibility of developing internalized, detached thinking." - Rudolf Steiner, Historical Changes in the Experience of Breathing.

"The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit." - John 3:8

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. "Don't I have to read that book today?" And with that thought a huge surge of air comes through your lungs. No longer is it "Breathe in. Breath out." Now it's BRRREAATTHHE INNN....BREATHEEE OUTTTT. Erratic, irregular, your breath has now lost its tempo.

Then the thought passes and you, gratefully, return to rhythmic breath. But the thought of thankfulness turns into another thought: "am I thankful enough? Am I tied enough to the things of the world?" BREEEAAATTHHHE! You've lost it again. "Dammit. What to do? What to do?"

So you try to regulate your breath. "In two three four, out two three four, in two three four, out two three four" It works. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. "But wait? Have I lost count? Am I on two or four? What about the out breath? Is it shorter?" BREAAAAATTTTTHE! "Shoot."

"Calm. Relax. You're just in your own head. You're thinking too much. If you just...." BREAAATTTHE! "Crap! I did it again!"

"Thinking about thinking always does this. But wait? Am I thinking about thinking about thinking? Am I...." BREAAATHHE!

"If I...if I just...if I...if............" breathe ..... in .... breathe .... out ........... breathe ........... in ............ breathe ............. .out .................... breathe .................... in .................... breathe .................... out ....................

"Whoa! That was perfect! I was breathing calmly and naturally. I was" BREAAATHEEE. "Crap."

"OK....breathe in. Breathe out." Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe .... in .... breathe .... out ..... breathe ... in ... breathe ... out .... breathe ....... in ............... breathe .................. ou t...................

Agh! That was.....that was....what was that? Where was I? Was I anywhere? I saw the colors. I felt the ground beneath me. I felt my breath. But I didn't! I didn't. There was no I. Can I do that? Can I just....breathe...? I can't. I can't. Too scary. I can't.

I can't. Of course not. I've never been very good at breathing. Good thing I don't have to......breathe.........in............breathe.........out..........